Random Rants and Dubious Doubts

I am obsessed with food. I just am. That is the truth of my daily existence. I am constantly thinking about food. How much time has passed since I last ate and how soon can I reasonably eat again? What will I eat next? Where am I going to eat? Will I cook or will I order in? I am happy - what can I eat? I am sad - what can I eat?

The question of whether or not I should be obsessed with food is really no one else's business. It is just a fact of my life that I deal with the same way I deal with everything else in my life like flossing and determining the best location in my kitchen for the compost bucket. I just deal with it privately and with as much grace as I can muster.

My point is -- it's my life. I don't get in your face about how much makeup you wear, but since you asked -- I think you are wearing too much foundation. You look like a clown with that heavy pancake on your face, that shade of lipstick makes your skin look green, and heavy blue eyeshadow went out in the 1970's and honestly, it didn't look good back then.

Haters Not Welcome Here. People who post comments on this blog about what other people eat, how much other people eat, whether or not they should eat what they eat, and what type of person is a person who eats whatever it is that you think is the wrong amount of food will just not be tolerated and will be promptly deleted. I am horrified by the virulent comments that I delete on a regular basis. This is a free country and your viewpoints are protected by the constitution. I'd like to remind you that mine are too.

I don't talk much about my eating here and maybe I should but I fear that once I start to be truthful about obsessive eating then I will want to talk about painful memories like the misery of childhood taunting from kids at school, teachers and even my own parents. Once I start to openly write about weight loss and weight gain I will want to talk about all those emotions that we share but that I would rather intellectualize about in terms of society and philosophy. Once I start then there is no going back and I would so much rather tell you about the new Danskin plus size line of Activewear and Dancewear in sizes up to 4x. Finally something to wear to Big Moves classes! Click here to purchase Danskin Women's Dancewear. Enjoy Free Shipping on orders of $75 or more!

Fashion is fun. Fat hatred sucks.

I don't come to your house and make fun of your curtains but now that I've brought it up...you should probably reconsider those sheers in your bathroom.

Am I A Fat Traitor? If I (a) have gained weight and (b) I want to lose weight then am I a traitor to the fat positive cause? I think that many of my body positive blogging friends would say yes. I used to be thinner. I don't hate myself and I actually spend an embarrassing amount of time admiring myself in mirrors. I will tell anyone who stands still long enough to listen that beauty comes in many shapes and sizes, and yet I still think about losing weight. Marilyn Wann told me to stop thinking about losing weight and to surrender all hope of being thinner. Kate Harding told me that my desire to be thin is based on pure fantasy. And yet I still think about losing weight.

I do agree that my desire to be thinner is completely connected with societal pressure and, as Kate shared so eloquently when she wrote The Fantasy of Being Thin I agree with her that I want to be thin because I imagine that I will magically become a more fascinating, more beautiful, more creative woman when my body fits some ideal size and I know that this is complete bullshit. I-agree-completely-with-every-word-Kate-said. But I still want to be thin.

I told my husband last night that "I want my body back." Yes I said that out loud. To a man who sees me - yes he really sees me - and loves me. I have gained 35 pounds since we met. I have no children but I did spend a year caring for my sick father and I just couldn't leave the house, I couldn't work and I stayed home with him and I ate. But my father died two years ago and I have gained more weight since then.

I know my fatosphere blogging friends might be thinking, "You've gained weight? So what?" But you don't understand I've gained 35 pounds! I know that some of my fatosphere friends might be thinking "You've gained 35 pounds? Who are you to complain? I've gained...insert number of pounds here! No matter. Each of us has our own thing about our bodies and this is mine.

I shared with a friend recently that at one time I was so consumed with self-loathing that I had to force myself to say nice things about myself in the mirror before I left the house just to be able to function through the day. And not just nice things about my personality but nice things about my body. I've been asked to write a longer article about that experience for another web site and honestly I've been avoiding it because it's so hard to go there.

Writing about those days will mean reliving them in some way and it is just so damn hard to do that.

Lurkers welcome. I know you are here because Google Analytics tell me you are. You don't post comments but I know you are reading and I thank you. Please don't do anything you don't want to do and if you don't want to comment then please continue to read and not post comments. I just wanted to take a moment to say hello and I appreciate you. I really really do.

It’s Hawaii theme today at Lee Lee’s valise, the new boutique catering exclusively to women wearing size 10-30. When I called Lisa to talk about her new Carroll Gardens based business (that’s in Brooklyn, New York for you out-of-towners), I could hear the ukulele playing in the background. Lisa’s assistant had just run out for lunch and of course I felt compelled to listen to the conversations that Lisa was having with her customers whenever she needed to put me on hold. You call it eavesdropping? I call it investigative bloggerism.

Lisa has a vibrant personality and greets everyone who walks in the door cheerfully and with an offer for personal attention while they shop – no matter what size that person might wear, “after all, I don’t know if they are shopping for their mother, their sister or a friend. A woman came in just the other day; I fit people all day long so I could immediately see that she was smaller than a size 10. She came in to Lee Lee’s to find something for her sister and then she saw something she liked for herself. A few days later I had it here in her size, special order. We are here for the community.”

I asked Lisa if she had ever been given the cold shoulder while she was shopping and if that influenced her open-door policy to all sizes. “Absolutely,” she told me, “many times I have been completely ignored by sales staff while I watched them be attentive to thinner customers. They have a “you’re wasting my time” attitude. I don’t believe it’s an issue with poor customer service because any shopkeeper would want a happy customer; they want to sell you something before you walk out that door. It’s sizeism – I have no doubt.”

Lisa speaks enthusiastically about how much fun shopping should be. “I started this whole thing to be the kind of place where I wanted to shop,” she told me. “You shouldn’t be worried about whether or not something will fit. Some women are afraid to come out of the dressing room because they don’t want anyone to see that something doesn’t fit well but I tell them that they have to let me see so I can help. If you come here, you’ll walk out with an outfit that’s right for your body.”

Lisa is getting a reputation with her customers for her warm shoulder. “Shy people, boisterous people; I can work with everyone. They stop by to say hi on their way home from work. One woman needed a dress for her step-daughters’ wedding, she was getting divorced, she was crying – it was a very emotional time shopping for that dress. Everyone in the shop helped her find an outfit, in fact two outfits, and then she couldn’t find a pair of shoes to match so I gave her a pair off my own feet to wear at the wedding. My customers are family.”

Lisa was a web site designer for many years but she feels that this is much more gratifying. “I feel like this is what I was meant to do. Let’s make you as gorgeous as we can. Let’s dress you. Let’s see your body shape. Maybe an empire waist isn’t good for you. Not everyone is heavy in the same area. Arm issues, some women want to hide their butts. These are the same issues that thin women face every time they go shopping but heavy women are made to feel ashamed. Plus-size women have as much right to feel good about fashion. I say be proud of those curves!”

Lisa thinks that there are a few reasons why women with fuller figures feel more comfortable trying on clothes at Lee Lee’s Valise than elsewhere. “Partly it’s having the attention of a personal shopper, something that many of my customers have never experienced. Also, I made sure that the dressing rooms are larger for larger bodies; they are comfortable with fans and an Italian Tuscan theme.”

“Shopping for a new outfit should be fun not depressing. I want my customers to feel good when they come here and that begins by seeing the clothes in the store window on mannequins in sizes 16/18 and 20/22. That’s the reason why I chose my store name; because it sounds like a boutique. I didn’t want to use words like voluptuous or tons-o-fun because regular, fashionable women shop here. My weight doesn’t have to be announced over the front door.”

Lee Lee’s features some very stylish designers on the racks such as Trentacosta, Jessica Svoboda, B & Lu and the very new and trendy plus-size company out of LA, Fashion Overdose.

Alterations are available and coming soon will be “Jim’s Corner,” so named for her very supportive husband and others like him, which will feature a television, a lounge chair and an espresso machine.

I know that my husband will appreciate Jim’s Corner when we make our way down to Brooklyn so that I can have a Lee Lee’s Valise experience. I can hardly wait. Sounds like fun doesn’t it?


The name Lee Lee's Valise originated from Lisa's childhood. When she was a child she would always spend her Christmas vacation in Long Island with her Aunt Theresa and Uncle Mickey and their children. After celebrating Christmas in Midwood, the whole group would trek into midtown to see the Radio City Music Hall Christmas show. Lisa would always pack her clothes in her grandfather's battered valise and her Uncle Mickey would have to lug it to the city and on the train to Long Island. One year, Uncle Mickey (who worked for the Port Authority) thought it would be a good idea to put the valise in a locker to be picked up after the show but little Lee Lee was devastated. "My valise, my valise….Uncle Mickey they are going to steal my valise and all my new clothes and toys…oh no…..my valise!" Poor Uncle Mickey had to leave the show to get Lee Lee's valise so she could know that her clothes were safe. To this day, her cousins still tease her and ask "Lee Lee…where's your valise?"

Well, now Lisa can tell them that her valise is 368 Court Street at the corner of President Street, in Brooklyn, New York, and is open from 11:00 a.m. until 8:00 p.m. for your shopping pleasure. Lisa can be reached directly at 1-718-246-LEES (5337) and online at Lee Lee's Valise.

How To Shop Online. But will it fit?

Full figure women frequently ask my advice on how to determine whether an outfit will fit them from just looking at a picture. You can make some smart decisions about an outfit based on some basic research that can found right on the website where you are shopping.

In my previous post I counseled on the importance of knowing your body measurements. Now that we've made friends with our body shape ("upper arm, meet centimeter....centimeter, meet upper arm") it's important to know the specific measurements, cut and shape of that dress with the too-die-for embroidery that you are contemplating.

Every clothing website should have a link to their size chart. There you will find measurements that are equal to a specific size. If a website represents different designers, like alight.com does, then you have a great opportunity to compare the cut and shape of the same size of different items. It's a good idea to compare each designer because the measurements may vary.

Other factors in determining the drape of a dress are: the weave of the fabric, the way the fabric is cut, the placement of the seams, and the stitches used on those seams.

Look carefully at the pictures to see where the seams are and then look at your wardrobe. Do you have anything cut in a similar way already hanging there? Look at items that you have bought from the same designer. The chances are good that a similar template is used to create the entire line. For instance, an a-line dress with princess seams by Catherines will fit you differently than an a-line dress from Torrid.com


Now that we are intimate with the particulars of our inches, and we have become acquainted with the cut, design and shape of the dress, whether or not that cute little dress with the sequins is going to look fabby on your body still must be determined by your own shape.

Look at two women who are the same height and weight but one is a pear shape and the other a triangle. One will be fuller on top and the other wider on the bottom. The dress will drape differently on each woman. If it doesn't fit then just move-on to another designer.

It's truly wonderful that so many plus size clothing designers are using plus size models. How else would I be able to figure out if that daring dress with the plunging neckline from SizeAppeal.com is going to hug my girls, or will they pop out on the dance floor while bumping and griding unless I can see the dress on a model built like I'm built? By the way, this actually happened to me once to the delight of my partner. I was wearing a dress that a friend, an aspiring clothing designer, had made for me. We both learned important lessons that night about how clothes fit!

In fact, almost everything I wear I bought online. I even bought my wedding dress online from the Lane Bryant Bridal Boutique. It fit perfectly and there were no unexpected surprises. Well, except for how amazingly chilly it got that day for our outdoor ceremony!

Many websites now offer free shipping so you may want to have your new wardrobe delivered to your home where you can comfortably try on clothes in privacy.

Corinna Makris
Editor

< This Lush Life for your plus size shopping!

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