A Funny Thing About Trolls
Tell me, please, how thin is thin enough? Will your hatred be tempered by an acceptable BMI or do you require that I stand perfectly still while you run an imaginary tape measure around my hips, thighs and upper arms all the while tut-tutting about my jiggly body?
I have gone back into my archives and changed the title of a post from eight months ago. There are people who actually type "I H*te F*t People" into search engines and find my post with that same title. I know that is how they find the post because they tell me that they enter a search with that phrase "just for fun." Just for fun?! These "fun" people then proceed to comment at that particular post oblivious to the fact that it is an old post and no one will see their comment except for me. I finally decided to just change the name of the post so it no longer shows up in searches for that particular "fun" phrase.
But some Trolls find their way here and have come to stay. I spend more time than I'd like to admit deleting vicious, spiteful, hostile, threatening, virulent, punishing mounds of linguistic filth directed at anyone who dares to say that it might be ok to laugh and eat in public or just freaking enjoy their life, regardless of weight. No! You mustn't stop trying! If you stop trying to attain the "right" body shape (marry the "right" mate, get the "right" job, own the "right" house, drive the "right" car) then you are a loser and losers are a drain on society.
No matter that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar and that increasing the amount of shame and stigma a person feels only succeeds in increasing the amount of shame and stigma a person feels. So obviously you don't hate me for my own good because your methods are ineffective. There must be more to it.
The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference. There is a thin line between love and hate and let's be honest -- you don't spend your time writing despicable diatribes to people about whom you don't care, so I have come to the conclusion that clearly you are in love with me. Why else all the letters filled with passion? You are consumed with your desire for my attention. I keep ignoring your pleas for consideration and yet you keep begging me to notice you.
And so I have decided to take pity on you and glance in your direction. I shall give you the attention you so desperately crave. While I am loathe to see any similarities in myself and the person who wrote, "all of you deluded fatties should turn off the tv, leave the trough and get some exercise. You people disgust me." Truthfully I must admit to you that I have had those very same thoughts in my own mind when looking in a mirror. I have been on the self-loathing recovery plan for a number of years now and I can tell you that I look at my reflection with approval these days (mostly) and delight (more and more) but -- there's the rub. I get where these people are coming from. It is obvious to me that you hate yourself and you feel you must attack those who choose to not hate themselves.
I wouldn't spend a moment being concerned about whether someone liked me unless that person is someone I respected in some way. I am completely unconcerned about the Trolls leaving comments here but, I am interested in why they do it. I think all people want to connect with other people and to be seen. Anyone who spends time searching the internet to find someone to hate, anyone who takes their time to write a rant about how horrible a person is -- must feel that way either about themselves or perhaps their fat mom/dad/science teacher who didn't give them enough attention/enough encouragement/enough recognition and they want their pain to be acknowledged.
So here it is -- Awwwwww, you poor poor baby.
I end this by saying that this is a place where we can discuss ways to be kinder and gentler with ourselves and with each other. That is my intention when I sit down to write. I leave the political observations about sizeism, jumbled scientific findings, and popular culture to those whom I consider to be more eloquent and (truthfully) more interested in those subjects.
I may not have found a way to forgive, forget, or overlook every person who happens to jangle my nerves and push my buttons but I do strive to see the humanity in the hater.
